Here’s something I’ll bet you didn’t know about me: I have a psychiatrist AND a psychotherapist. Yep. I’m a big-time mess.
I have dealt with depression all my adult life. It runs deep in my family. If you look me up in DSM-V I am 296.32 Major Depressive Disorder Recurrent. It’s kind of reassuring to know that my problem can be categorized and given a numeric code. It’s much less nebulous than “feel like shit all the time.”
I’ve been on Prozac for about 27 years and on Wellbutrin for 8 years. My symptoms have been getting out of hand so I”ve lately been seeing a psychiatrist to help adjust my medication levels. It only took him about 45 minutes to suggest that I see a therapist as well, to help with my “cognitive issues.” I guess I should’t be smiling so big as I type this, but the very idea of having cognitive issues kind of cracks me up.
So today is therapy day and I have very mixed feelings about it. One the one hand, if it helps I am all for it. On the other hand, I dread mucking around in all the unpleasantness that I have rather successfully suppressed.
Among the things that I will be discussing today is, yes, loosing my Vox family. I’ve decided that I am not ashamed that the internets are part of my non-professional support network. I think that it is only normal to feel a little panicky about such a big part of my internet interaction is being snuffed out.
The Internet Does Not Love You
I know that the internet does not love me.
But the internet, like Soylent Green, is people. And I’ve gotten to love some of you people quite a bit.
Sixbucks' Sad-Sack Hotel 
Sep 14, 2010 @ 17:30:00
Poor beebee, you’re dealing with a lot right now. ((((hugs)))) And don’t let the new MDude tell you those hugs aren’t real, cuz if you were here in person, I’d be giving them for real and telling you things will work out.
Takes a long time to become a mess. Give yourrself time to undo it. xxoo jaypo
Sep 14, 2010 @ 17:37:07
“But the internet, like Soylent Green, is people.”
I LOVE IT. And yes, I am also not ashamed that the internets are part of my support network. Many of my real-life acquaintances don’t understand it, but it’s their loss.
Wishing you the best for your therapy…
Sep 14, 2010 @ 19:59:32
Also, 6$, I didn’t mean to say you’re a mess–only that’s how we feel when dealing with stuff. STUFF. Everyone’s always got stuff…
Sep 15, 2010 @ 02:52:34
Hey, different flavors of this run in both my family and Tom’s, along with lots of denial.
The one thing I know, is that it is a dynamic thing: it isn’t just sitting there waiting for a magic pill to make it always better.
Something can work fine for years, and then some balance shifts, and — woops — you have to make it work again.
And having the rug pulled out from under us all is enough to throw anyone off balance.
Hope the new person is good.
(Am looking for Greenness on self now, eek.)
Sep 15, 2010 @ 16:33:07
I might not exactly love you, but I definitely approve of your existence.
Now hurry up and post a donkey picture or a Tom Waits video so we can put your brutal honesty behind us.
Sep 18, 2010 @ 07:41:23
I did not see this when you first posted it. I hope your visit with your new therapist went well. I have found thru the years that combining meds and ‘cognitive’ therapy has help me considerably. The cognitive therapy can be difficult at times but overall it is very helpful.
A true therapist is going to understand the benefit of your internet friendships.